Stonehenge & A Case of Humour Bypass

“Personally, I would call the climate around the end of September the middle of autumn. Although, I should say it is a tad bit nippy for early October this year, Isn’t it?”

I overheard consultant of surgical team giving a small lecture to one of his senior house officer about the weather after the rather boring mundane daily rounds of checking wound drains and stomas that take forever to work. I mentioned to him that this particular one is still rather dusky and not the usual pinkish colour I’m normally accustomed to.

Stomas are formed after a colostomy or ileostomy - depending on which part of the intestine the surgeon thought best to create an opening or a bypass for the patient’s faeces to come out. Best graphic way to put it:

[ I suggest for those of the slightly squeamish kind to look away from the monitor. ]

Normally happens when it is no longer possible for crap to come out of the ass hole.

Stoma is just a fancy Latin or Greek term geeks in the hospital like to use to sound important or mysterious for the ‘mouth’ or the opening. Funny to think that no matter how medical science has progressed medical people still cling to good old classical language.

“Give it another day or so… I don’t see any reason why it shouldn’t work.” Charles the house officer croaked whilst I was showing him a few millilitres of the serousy stuff that I managed to drain off the colostomy bag. He was not showing any particular notice how dusky looking this stoma is. Charming, and obviously not bothered.

“Isn’t it chilly and foggy this morning? Driving down the M20 is horrendous.”

Big brain surgeon said, “It’s the Autumnal Equinox my dear, the time of year when the sun god Apollo crosses the celestial equator from up north down to the south. Marks the beginning of autumn in the Northern Hemisphere..” Proving yet again that not only he is a smashing surgeon but also a brilliant Astrophysicist.

“Doesn’t help that you live in England”, I said.

The Autumnal Equinox signals the end of the summer months and the beginning of winter. At this time of the year, days have been shortening since the Summer Solstice some three months earlier, and the Equinox is the point where nights reach the same length as days.

Sister Rebecca in her poetic best, added: “Oh yes, the Chariot of Fire traversing the skies. We have been following the cycles of the sun for millennia.”

Of which surgeon said,” that is utterly bonkers, Sister.”

About Stonehenge

“Oh yeah? Have you been to the Stonehenge Doctor..? Stone circles are scattered all over the British Isles and they date back more than three thousand years.”

Junior Doc quipped, “Isn’t that where naked women prance about on a full moon once in a year?”

“Of course, not. They are aligned to the Solstices and Equinoxes using a standard unit of calculation that was so precise; the central value can be measured to accuracy in less than a hundred nanometres.”

“Are you trying to tell us that the metric system might as well be invented by Stone Age Brits way before Saxon peasants knew about the English system? The French won’t be happy with you Sister,” said the surgeon whilst everyone sniggered.

“Very funny. Well, if you men think that Neanderthals like you are, travelled a smooth evolutionary journey from stupid cavemen to sophisticated metrosexual: You better keep an open mind. The world is not what you think it is.”

Then someone said: “Oh yeah, and the advent of a nip in the air is what they say when they hang a Japanese criminal.”

Oh, be very careful with what you say. Big Brother is watching.

Nip in the air were the words from a local vicar who, musing on the change of seasons wrote in his column and was forced to apologise after being branded a racist. Nip by the way, is a shortened form of the Japanese name for Japan. [ BBC News ]

What has happened to the British sense of humour?