Sunday, October 22, 2006

Just Relax

I'll Take Care of the Squealing, Wretched, Pinhead Puppets of Gotham! *

I’m off today. Actually, I’m off work in the next seven days. Yesh!!! The beauty of working a big chunk of long shifts is that you can have long days off. Doesn’t happen normally especially in the run up to winter when a decent number of staff is needed in the hospital due to a high number of patients, but quite a lot of staff phoned in sick lately that I get to cover their shifts.

Ahhh. Winter & winter blues. More and more people are getting ill. Scientists have always suspected a strong link between heart disease and depression, and if you think about it - a high percentage of illnesses are also psychosomatic or caused by being a little bit on the loopy side: then no wonder that working in the hospital is just becoming a nightmare. Bad weather + depression + stress + loads of cigarettes + lots of ambulance people bringing in inanimate bodies + lots of work for nurses = lots of sick nurses and even lots of fainéant staff feigning sickness. Here’s the top 5 this month:

1. Asthma – Allergic reaction to the cold weather obviously. Also it doesn’t help if you smoke like a chimney.

2. Getting a divorce – For some reason, it is becoming trendy. Stress and depression tears a loving couple apart? And bizarrely, we appear to share this same issue with cold weather animals like the penguins.

3. Seasonal Affective Disorder – I’m not going to elaborate on the subject as I actually wrote something about it recently here.

4. Death of a cat – Unbelievable but true, I would understand it coming from someone who is probably autistic and derive all form of social contact from a rather stinky animal. Cute but otherwise not a good excuse for skiving.

5. Flare up of Gout – Usually attacks the joints of your foot. Extremely painful. Caused by extremely elevated uric acid in the blood from consuming rich food like anchovies, consommé, cheeses and lots of red wine. I should know, because I had it quite recently - but when all of a sudden everybody’s got one it becomes quite faux pas. To a colleague who I strongly suspect is just faking it: “There’s actually a lot of ailments in the planet. You can’t speak Latin, so obviously, if somebody says: "numquam poetor nisi podager" which translates to “I never write poetry unless I am suffering from gout", you haven’t got a clue. So pick another disease, will you?”

* Taken from a line by 'The Penguin' in Batman Returns ( 1992 )

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Blogger tobie said...

Yikes! Time to watch my Uric Acid....

Just blog hopping!

5:16 PM  
Anonymous Trisha said...

hurray ICU nurses! :D
does your breathing sound like a ventilator? mine does now!

5:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

See, here's how I make an equation with smoking in it:

Depression + Stress = Sucks

However, factor in smoking and we get:

Depression + Stress + Smoking = Peace

It does have it's risks, but it's always been my heaven in a stick.

4:25 PM  

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