Friday, April 20, 2007

Kill Bill

I received a letter from my GP to contact surgery for an appointment to see the Doctor to discuss the results of the blood test that was taken of me last week. Not a clean bill of health, I have to say. Just when I thought I got over SAD – short for Seasonal Affective Disorder, I felt creeping in last year when daylight started to ebb away by October, and the self-destructive need to fill every centimetre of my gut space with horrible carbohydrates.

But yes, the clocks have already moved forward as the days got longer and now you wake up to see your single-mum neighbour sprawled on all fours at the back garden lawn like a New York City Thanksgiving Day Parade Balloon inflation.

Not an encouraging view, I assure you. There is a reason for spray on fake tans and coffin-shaped indoor sunbeds. Or the tokens you can collect from reading crappy newspaper you can convert to cheap beach holidays in Greece where you can sunbathe all day without a Japanese whaler carrying a massive harpoon on sight.

Check your BMI (Body Mass index) here and see what the US government thinks of you. Luckily, unlike Matt Damon and George Bush, I’m not overweight just yet. It amazes me to find out that the midget Tom Cruise at 5’7” and 170 lbs is actually overweight. I bet it’s his height that gave him away. The government approves my 5’7” and 154 lbs as normal, but I’m almost pre-obese because of my height. LOL! But that’s the least of my worries. My fasting blood sugar is 7 which may indicate I have diabetes and my cholesterol levels from the blood test is massively high at 8, when ideal value should be below 5, so basically, I am a ticking time bomb.

Huh?! Is this Lara Croft?
Another sad tosser who played a lot of video games and watched way too many films. I do agree with the Screaming Nutcase here. A college student with a concealed handgun license would have confined the carnage. Virginia Tech killed the bill (Oops, Kill Bill – no pun intended) that allows on-campus carry of firearms last year. But if every student has a license to carry a handgun - is there a guarantee that it won’t look like that scene in Battle Royale? It’s about time the US should follow Britain’s example of criminalising guns and stick a lot of closed circuit television. The UK has one camera for every 14 people; you wouldn’t need a myspace or a friendster account to be a cam whore. One camera for each Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders wouldn’t be a bad idea.
Oh, yes! More cameras, please!

"My heart goes out to all the victims and the friends and families of the victims of the Virginia Tech tragedy." ~ nicked this line from alternati .

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19 Comments:

Anonymous Shari said...

Oh noes! You okay? Okay, that's a stupid question. Of course you're not. But anyway, sige lang, carboload lang! :p

I'm fat. I don't want the US government to insist that I'm fat, because I already know I'm fat. o_O Tom Cruise is a frigging jerk. I hate him for leaving Nicole Kidman. Ano raw?! Haha! That overweight midget jerk. I wonder what my blood sugar and cholesterol level are. If you're a ticking time bomb, I've already exploded.

I agree with you that criminalizing guns is ideal, period.

9:43 AM  
Blogger vernaloo said...

depressed Americans should emulate depressed Filipinos...unlike in the States that they go shooting people, here they just climb billboards and pretend to jump but eventually just want to be rescued after all the drama hehehe.

7:27 PM  
Anonymous pining said...

I'm dreading to know how overweight I am, so I stay away from the scales :-)
that's the trouble with America, never learned their lesson... why don't they toughen their law on guns??
thing with cctv in Britain is it's everybloodywhere!! I don't like them... give me the flamin'creeps..

1:46 PM  
Blogger may said...

sad, but i think it will just keep happening. i hate to sound like the angel of doom, but things are just getting crazier by the minute over here.

10:07 AM  
Anonymous bw said...

As long as you pants still fit, you're not fat ! My pnat sno longer and it scares the living daylights out of me :)

I agree thought that there should be some form of gun control, esp in Virginia where guns are treated like hardware tools and you can buy them with no hassle.

8:34 PM  
Anonymous aCey said...

"another sad tosser"? sorry, but hahahahahahaha! it's the tosser word.

anyway, cheer up you're not overweight! i'm underweight and still trying to gain some fat/muscle... hehe. (actually i gained weight, but only my face became rounder. lol.)

re the viginia shooting, i really feel sorry for cho... and for those who died. made me think that there's really something wrong with the world now.

p.s.: maybe your psychic! i never mention my school in my blog (you know how the nuns are). :)

10:00 PM  
Blogger Talamasca said...

You totally made me laugh! From the parade of photos (Ronald McfuckingDonald's inflatable arse is a classic!), to the movie puns (Hello? Kill Bill and Battle Royale are, like, two of my fave movies), to Lara's royal appearance... Brit humor at its grandest!

You fat bastard! LOL!!! ;-p

6:38 AM  
Anonymous chase said...

I don't think you are fat. But if you feel that way just think that you can lose it anyway. The most important thing is that you are goodlooking.

Actually I blame it on their gun policy in the US.

3:19 PM  
Blogger Bryan Anthony the First said...

thats why Grey's Anatomy is a great show...

*eye's rolling* where did that came from?

someone told me we should blame everything to the US

11:35 PM  
Anonymous snglguy said...

Am I fat? Nah! Overweight might be a more apt description. I have yet to have my cholesterol and blood sugar level tested, but I have a funny feeling that the results won't paint a pretty picture.

Looks like the US hasn't really outgrown its "Wild West" mentality, huh? We'll probably be seeing more of such in the near future...

2:43 AM  
Blogger Alternati said...

I am too scared to even look up my BMI. Thinking you're fat is one thing... Science saying you are is a whole other thing.

The second amendment sucks ass.

Here's the difference between you and I, your cameras will be directed at them cheerleaders, mine would be directed at the athletes. :P

9:27 AM  
Blogger VF-Arrest said...

gosh you are no use to the NHS if you are overweight and hyperlipadeamic.

Joke. I say just enjoy life, the patients will allways be there, just make sure your not one of them!.

3:25 PM  
Blogger Manila Bay Watch said...

Hi Howling,

Thought I'd look you up and see how things are going... what do you know, we are afflicted with the same SAD thinggy.

Fortunately, my weight is still alright (50 kilos for my 5'6 built). I think I tend to stop eating in the winter and like our polar bears sort of stuff myself before the cold season.

Cheers - summer is almost there.

5:45 AM  
Anonymous netherchild said...

battle royal + kill bill series = the best.

well, i think you need to update. :d great site you got here.

1:50 AM  
Blogger tobey said...

hey what happened? did you warp into another planet or something?

11:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hello howling! how are things with you?

you still in the UK or have gone back to Pinas?

would be happy to hear from you.

This is hillblogger now posting too at manila-bay-watch.blogspot.com

7:33 AM  
Anonymous sasha said...

Hey Howl! What happened to you na? I hope you're okay...

Drop me a line ok?

10:19 PM  
Blogger ipanema said...

howling,

A blessed and joyful Christmas to you & your loved ones! :)

11:13 PM  
Blogger Tony Heywood said...

Thats and interesting post. I will be back to read more on your blog. If you come to London and are looking for somewhere to see client you should visit Knaresborough Place -
Medical Rooms London

5:49 AM  

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