Have a Kit Kat

I made a silly mistake of signing on to take three modular ICU courses in my appraisal last year. A maximum of two months is given to the staff to complete each module. It took me a year to finish one, only because the most part of it - I completed three days ago. I should be so damn proud of myself.

I still have two more modules to tackle then I should be ready to sit down with my Boss to review whether I deserve to jump up to the next pay scale: I reckon a few pennies to catch inflation, pay the monthly mortgage and keep me off sleeping rough outside under the streetlamps. Not to mention the cosmic bloody tax. The fate of my bank book’s equilibrium depends on whether or not my Boss agrees that I meet the knowledge and skills required for my post. Such a pretty sad wanky life I had this week.

And I feel really bad for being unable to update this blog. Most of the time I spent trying to make sense of the tedious squiggles on a strip of paper caused by electrical good fortune or mishaps that occur inside a grumpy old turd’s heart. It is fascinating to find out how the heart could draw an ugly picture of you. Especially if you’re miserable, eat lots of pies, and your best friend is a fag called Benny (I mean Benson & Hedges). I don’t mean to put you off the smokes, guys. I still think smoking remains the one stiffened finger raised to authority. It is definitely cool. Although. I have to say, your heart’s rhythm may look like Count Dracula’s bad teeth if you’re not lucky. No worries, you can always give up red meat if you’re not ready to stomp your butt of choice. I heard that chocolates are good for your heart.

Phytochemicals known as flavanols, which are found in chocolate, fruits and vegetables, can boost the levels of nitric oxide in the blood of smokers and reverse some of their smoking-related impairment in blood vessel function according to a study by the American College of Cardiology two years ago. So I’m tucking in a huge chunky milky bar and lots of veg. Somebody slipped this rude magazine with loads of free goodies ( a kitkat, dvd and funky eyewear) in the groceries this morning. I’m not sure what to do with the 3D specs.

The Great Global Warming Swindle

I nearly had deep-fried pancakes for brains by trapping all the carbon for not breathing whilst watching the program on C4 last night. Not to mention the melted bugbears from my nostrils. CO2 does warm you up after all. Or does it not? Quite the exact opposite: after watching Al Gore’s version of the story. That ‘Inconvenient Truth’ scared the crap out of me – the hyperventilation left me feeling absolutely cold. Kudos to the people behind the rather catchy title, as well. It sounded like the Sex Pistols album I have a taste for. Nothing beats good old Johnny Rotten rasping “And now the end is near…” in their take of that Sinatra classic in high speed punk rock.

The Arguments:

1. CO2’s 800 years lag behind temperature rise from a statistical graph ( the same one ) used by Al Gore – showing him scratching his head from the inconsistency of the data in that other program but he just bollocked it anyway, to fit it into the theory he is obviously sticking up to. Ice core samples show carbon increases after warming. Therefore, maybe the carbon is a result of warming and not the cause?

2. Anomalous post-war temperature dip, when there was frenetic industrial activity and hence, more carbon emissions.

3. Man-made emissions are miniscule in comparison to volcanic emissions ( although when Pinatubo erupted: the biggest CO2 emitting volcano for years, CO2 levels went down slightly ) and carbon dioxide from animals, bacteria, decaying vegetation and the ocean to create an impact. And the fact that man-made CO2 is only approx 0.004% of the green house gases while 80% of which is cosmic ray - generated clouds. Quite simply, the sun is causing all the warming.

4. "The warmest periods have happened well before humans started to produce large amounts of carbon dioxide. Earth's 4.5 billion year history is one long story of climate change. In more recent history there has been: a mini ice age in the seventeenth century when the Thames froze so solidly that fairs could regularly be held on the ice; a Medieval Warm Period, even balmier than today; and sunnier still was the so-called Holocene Maximum, which was the warmest period in the last 10,000 years." [ channel 4 ]

5. We are not alone. There is warming in Mars where fossil-fuel is considered primitive. In fact, there is warming in Jupiter and even in Uranus, yet crusty inhabitants there are having a field day and drinking lots of warm beer. I’m just taking the piss on this last one but honestly, I’m quite bored already. The list is endless ad nauseam. Okey, next topic.

The Conspiracy:

1. In the 70’s the National Union of Mineworkers staged a massive strike. Then Prime Minister Thatcher pushed the government’s opposition to coal-fired power. And voila! Global warming scare tactics was born.
2. The cold war. There was a need to step-up the Nuclear Weapons Program. The political need for pro-nuclear arguments needs backing from supposedly green power from nuclear power plants.
3. The end of the cold war. During the last breaths of communism, hippies and peaceniks need new platforms to channel their angst to. Red is no longer fashionable. Let’s go green!
4. The rich oil sheiks can bend over and bite the pillow. We are using solar panels now.
5. The Inconvenient Truth is a Convenient way to scare people from the Third World from developing. China – whoa! Scary.
6. The Antichrist is an ecologist.
7. Sir Bob Geldoff and Bono are running out of causes to promote their next Live Aid Concert.
8. The people behind this program have actually got their pockets piggy-backed to huge multinational corporations and oil lobbyists.
9. Just read Michael Crichton’s novel: State of Fear. Can't think anymore.
10. Oh, yeah! Let me add that the green movement is actually founded by Martians ( the original green people from the red planet ). They are planning to take over by hijacking the Earth’s weather centre. Eco-activists are in fact Vogons who suck in poetry and live on a diet of pure marine life. "So long, farewell and thanks for all the fish!"

The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

If you watch way too much TV, is against the war, and care about the environment, there is a pretty high chance that you are a communist or even better; you could be the Antichrist. Yippee! Thanks to Neuro Linguistic Programming and Neuro Associative programming. The red colour is a Neuro-Associative re-conditioning for the RED flag. We have all been brainwashed to communism. I have read from a fellow nurse-blogger who came across this information from nutters he would rather not link to so as not to increase their website’s Google ranking.

I tested it the other day by staring hard at the red BBC logo. Et Voilà! :

“Wala tayong maaasahang
Bathala o manunubos
Kayát ang ating kaligtasáy
Nasa ating pagkilos.
Manggagawa bawiin ang yaman
Kaisipáy palayain
Ang maso ay ating hawakan
Kinabukasáy pandayin…”

I was singing the communist anthem whilst marching to an imaginary orchestra playing "La Marseillaise". I also couldn't stop raising my left arm with hands clenched as if I was a puppet and some mysterious power was pulling the strings. Scary.

This reminded me of my gramps ( I mentioned in my previous post here ) who showed us in the 80’s that by erasing a few of the sun’s rays in the RPN 9 ( a local Philippine TV network ) logo, you can come up with the hammer and sickle communist symbol. He told us of the subliminal message that will apparently prepare us for the revolutionary takeover. Then came another historic period in my childhood TV life. ‘Voltes V’ was banned by President Marcos. Children all over the land cried as they really love the action-packed anime series. How could children understand the political messages ‘hidden’ inside the story line is beyond me.

“Speculations abound that the show could be used by activists who might use it as a tool to create a revolution similar to the Ilokula, or use it as part of a class struggle leading to socialism or communism, or the freeing of the "slave" class in the Philippines (Voltes V might serve as a code name by the rebels and its song as a password, such as the phenomena of Grândola Vila Morena in Portugal's Carnation Revolution in 1974).” Another issue claimed by some was that the Emperor Zambajil's name (sometimes spelled Zambojil or Zambujil) was changed into Ferdinand, General Bergan's name was changed to Fabian or Vergan(for Fabian Ver - Marcos's Chief-of-Staff of the Philippine Military at that time), etc. which intended to mock the administration. Also, Voltes V was planning a people's revolution throughout the series and Marcos feared he would end up like Zambajil, overthrown by his own people including the "nobility". [wikipedia] Ha ha ha ha!!!
I couldn’t find that old logo but the simple RPN in red background will do just fine. “What utter bonkers!” I thought. Okey, Benedicto, the founder of the TV station is from Negros where peasants working in large tracts of sugar plantation were dying everyday of starvation: good ground for mass uprising, but how could a super-rich media tycoon like him allowed subliminal messages about his downfall on his network? Well, just like Ripley’s ‘Believe It or Not’, after the 1986 EDSA People Power Revolution, all of the stocks and assets of RPN were sequestered by the Presidential Commission on Good Government (PCGG) under Aquino. Not exactly communist, but still revolutionary at that time.

That was twenty years ago. Now you can watch 'The Lost Tomb of Jesus' in the Discovery Channel without the annoying dictator pulling the plug. And nobody takes the mick when an arch-conservative cardinal in his Lenten Speech last week gives a warning of an Antichrist who is “a pacifist, ecologist and ecumenist”. It's funny that the Antichrist is a bit like Christ Himself. LOL!